Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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