i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
