I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
