So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Four minutes until I can fart!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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