dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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