After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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