I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
