Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you will always have a special place in my vag
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
