It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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