You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
