woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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