and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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