I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
