VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Michael Bay diarrhea
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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