im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
