Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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