It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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