He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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