are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
