I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
