There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
