I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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