You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
