Midget sex pt 2 tonight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
