I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Randomize
