i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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