Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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