I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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