I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize