My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
