She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
