he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize