thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
