Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
