how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
