i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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