she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
