Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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