...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
