If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
