i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
