i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
