I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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