My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
