im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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