Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
