Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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