My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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