I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wear drunk well.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
