Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
