either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
