His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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