I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
