Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
