Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
