and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
