i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
