nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
