I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
