How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
