I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
